At first there can seem little justification or purpose for the Porsche Cayenne GTS.
It is, after all, a massive four wheel drive with an equally huge petrol engine that can consume fuel at an alarming rate.
But for the rich and wealthy middle aged it has taken the place that the denim suit once had. It allows you to feel young without undergoing any dodgy hormone treatment.
Where once you were lithe and supple enough to bend your way into a waist-high supercar and blast away your money, these days you need something more accessible that will still satisfy you as a speed junkie.
Enter the Porsche Cayenne, quite literally. For while you maybe cannot enter a Porsche 911, you can still get into the Cayenne. Its body gives it stadium height seating that you just step into after stowing your walking stick safely.
When behind other traffic, there’s no need to flash your lights in that aggravating fast car fashion. When other drivers see you looming in their mirror they pull over through good old fashioned terror. The Land Rover 110 V8 had the same alarming trait but could only manage 80 mph after taking its inhalers. The Cayenne GTS can virtually double that and uses less fuel than the Landie in doing it.
Mind you, show the Porsche some standing water or mud and it’s not such a success story. Here we have an off-roader that really can’t go off-road on its normal tyres and even struggles on a rainy day to make decent progress.
Part of the problem is that every time you hit a deep puddle the water throws up over the front of the car, delivering a torrent across the screen and making it as opaque as the average bathroom window. Not brilliant when you are travelling at 70 mph, which you should otherwise be able to do.
To be fair, quite a number of other 4x4s suffer this problem, the result of having huge squeegee tyres inside wide open wheel arches. The water has to go somewhere when the tyres force it aside.
Those high performance tyres may give the car massive road grip but they are useless on slippery ground. The Porsche had a job to get going again when I stopped on some muddy grass while we took in a sea view during a tour of the Scottish side of the Solway. Maybe taking a lesser model than the GTS, the new sporting derivative introduced earlier this year, would have made more sense.
But as most drivers will never even venture anywhere off a hard surface with their Cayenne the GTS’s purpose as a driver’s car was what really appealed. This new Cayenne has 405 bhp from its 4.8 litre V8 petrol engine and 369 lb ft of torque at 3,500 rpm.
With no turbo to spool up before delivering the goods, the engine is great to drive behind. It will pull up a slope in sixth gear from less than 30 mph thanks to its torque and then accelerate all the way to a top speed of 157 mph if you have a mind to. What really counts with this engine is the ability to blast past slower traffic safely without taking any risks. At the same time, the Cayenne will also potter along and, perversely in view of its intended purpose, staying at just below 30 mph in towns is really easy.
Perhaps the most yawn-inducing feature of this car is filling the 22 gallon tank, a regular occurrence as it only averages 17.6 mpg. But despite this prodigious thirst, I had no real regrets, even though I pay my own fuel bills, about the monetary expense of taking the £54,350 Cayenne GTS for a 1,000 mile jolly. The cost to the environment made me very guilt-laden, though.
Maurice Hardy
If someone said to you we’re going away to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary and the choice is a diesel Vauxhall Vectra or a petrol Porsche Cayenne what would you answer? OK, so you would have had the Vectra in the interests of economy but what the hell. You’re normally only married for 35 years once in your life and you need something to help obliterate that past.
Not that the Cayenne really helped rocket me away from the past despite its performance because him indoors came outside for once and said he was coming with me. Blast – which is exactly what I did to the traffic on the M6. Even so, the Friday congestion was so bad the journey up took twice as long as the Monday return.
Cruising in the Cayenne has its compensations when you are taking in what must be some of the most beautiful scenery in the UK for the first time. If you’ve never been to this part of southern Scotland, then the meandering coast road from Annan to Kirkcudbright will take you to some delightful treats. And the Porsche is perfect for enjoying them.
While the fuel consumption plummeted driving round Scotland, I’m proud of the fact that I got the car back from Dumfries to home on less than a tank – that’s well over 400 miles on less than 22 gallons. In any other car that would be easily achievable but I was nursing the Cayenne along just to prove it was possible. We actually got home with 75 miles to spare!
Annette Hardy
Car: Porsche Cayenne GTS
Does it fit your ego?...
0-62 mph: 6.1 secs
Top speed: 157 mph
Bhp: 405 @ 6500 rpm
Torque: 369 lb ft @ 3500 rpm
...and your wallet?...
Price: £54,350
Urban: 12.5 mpg
Extra urban: 25.9 mpg
Combined: 18.7 mpg
CO2 emissions: 361 g/km
Insurance Group: 20
Best bits: vast; fast; lavish.
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